"We've got that whole organizing-the-world's-information thing more or less under control," said Google Co-founder and President Larry Page, a longtime supporter of so-called "dark porcelain" research and development. "What's interesting, though, is how many different modalities there are for actually getting that information to you - not to mention from you."
"I couldn't be more excited about, and am only slightly grossed out by, this remarkable new product," said Marissa Mayer, Google's Vice President of Search Products and User Experience. "I firmly believe TiSP will be a breakthrough product, particularly for those users who, like Larry himself, do much of their best thinking in the bathroom."
As you figured it out, unfortunately it's only an April Fool's joke from Google. However, we can't help but fantasize about this great service:
Google has successfully devised a "last hundred smelly yards" solution that takes advantage of preexisting plumbing and sewage systems and their related hydraulic data-transmission capabilities. "There's actually a thriving little underground community that's been studying this exact solution for a long time," says Page. "And today our Toilet ISP team is pleased to be leading the way through the sewers, up out of your toilet and - splat - right onto your PC."
They also have posted do-it-yourself instructions on how to get it started right now:
http://www.google.com/tisp/install.html
It only takes 8 easy steps to get online at full speed, using the do-it-yourself package, or you can have a professional come in and hook up your toilet to the network. For your own physical safety and emotional well-being and in consideration of the nanobots' working conditions, please make absolutely certain that your toilet is unoccupied at the scheduled appointment time, Google warns.
Google has also announced it is actively developing a higher-performance version of TiSP specifically tailored to small and medium-sized businesses, including 24-hour, on-site technical support in the event of backup problems, brownouts and data wipes.
The Toilet Internet Service Provider (TiSP) project is a self-installed, ad-supported online service that will be offered entirely free to any consumer with a WiFi-capable PC and a toilet connected to a local municipal sewage system. TiSP is available today only in the U.S. and Canada. Google announced it has formed an international consortium of utility companies, sewage system experts, toilet manufacturers, and plumbers to develop solutions to the many problems facing all "dark porcelain"-based data-delivery innovators.
Why still in BETA phase? "When things go wrong with TiSP, they go very, very wrong. Let's leave it at that," Google answers.
So, rush out and order this April Fool's Day special from Google. It's such a great offer, it might not be available until the next Fool's Day.
